If i come over, it means nothing
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
