i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this beer tastes like vomit already
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
