did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
