Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
