went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
