How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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