Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised