I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?