Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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