You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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