We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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