Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room