I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
