Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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