his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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