Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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