You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
