I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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