I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
