that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
