Need sex. Gaining weight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
