I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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