I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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