I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish i was in the wii world.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
