If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
