I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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