Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
