I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
