My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
