You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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