Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
