i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
