and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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