quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
