it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
