I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
