Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
