I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
