Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
