3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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