i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's shark week go big or go home
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
