if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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