After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
