He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
