Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
