My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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