chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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