And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
