WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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