And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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