Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
