I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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