In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I could fuck to npr.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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