I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
