I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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