This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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