I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
