HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
