Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
