Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
