Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
