A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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