i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
