Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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