If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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