I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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