I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
