Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
