If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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