I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
