You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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