i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
