so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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