You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
