I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
