a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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