her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
