Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
