oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
