Tell her she can't have a vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
