Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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