its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
