just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
