Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So much rum. So many feels.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
