This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
