the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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