Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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