well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
