you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
